Sometimes we do things in the heat of the moment maybe it’s because we are upset or maybe it’s because we are angry or maybe it’s purely because we are stupid.
I have always said social media is not the way to vent your feeling and sadly once I did just that, I vented and I proved to myself right about it being hurtful, inconsiderate and just plain stupid.
We all have days where we feel not good enough, hard done by and upset. Some people use the opportunity to go and cry and others make themselves feel better by ranting on social media. I NEVER would have thought of myself as the person to do the second but I did, I am ashamed to say that I acted in manner that was horrible. Even though I thought I had rectified the situation at the time I obviously did not as one of the people I ranted about found out, not only did she find out she managed to read what I had written which was never meant for anyone to ever see.
The day I wrote what I did I very nearly destroyed a very old and very dear friendship and why? because I felt upset, that’s it, she didn’t come at me with a knife, she didn't steal my husband (but that would be nice, keep that in mind) she didn’t try and tell me my daughter was dumb or unintelligent, all she did was something for herself and I took it as a slap in the face. I took an innocent selfless act as an insult and why because I was feeling hard done by that particular day. That’s it that’s my one good reason, it sucks doesn’t it!
For one blog post I turned into a monster the type of monster I have hated my entire life and for that I am sorry, it was not a personal attack although it comes across like that and after reading it today I realise that and I once again have to feel that horrible sick feeling I felt after I had written it. Let me tell you it’s not pleasant so I can’t understand how others can live through that every day as I can honestly say If I felt the way I did then and the way I do now, life would be pretty bleak.
It’s easy to say you’re sorry and I have already done that, it’s not easy to convince the person you’re actually as sorry as you are.
I remember the day I was unjustly accused of something I didn’t intentionally do, and the way I was attacked for it, I remember the way I felt and how upset I was, and I remember so clearly that to this day if I think about it I physically shudder and have to force myself to think about something else. I wonder if this is the way she felt...most likely and then I think about that and I realise that MY actions made someone feel this way or similar WOW it goes to show what type of person I can become if I let myself.
So what have a learnt from this? Nothing I didn’t already know I just reiterated to myself the things that I should be mature enough to not ever forget.
Sometimes we have to be reminded that we do have good solid friendships that are not worth falling out over stupid bloody pointless idiotic shit things I wouldn’t blame the person if she hated me for eternity as people have done less to me and I have retaliated a lot worse.
. In a year that I felt I had been abandoned by everyone, I was shocked to see in an email that maybe my friendship did mean something to someone and it’s sad to know that I only could have seen that because of negative actions on my part.
